Sloth: part 4 of 4.

The movie was coming to an end—the class could tell because the beekeepers were finished packaging the honey and the music was loud and triumphant—and Tony and Carter were anxious, yet excited to bring the photos to the principal. Tony sat slumped in his chair, face resting on his fists, feet crossed comfortably under the desk. Carter, on the other hand, couldn’t slump: he sat with both legs protruding from under his desk, and his eyes were following the clock like an owl watching its prey.

Five minutes left, thought Carter; who was watching the second-hand—jump forward, little…by…little. And the funny thing about time, is it always seems to slow down when you watch it with sharp eyes, like it can sense your watching, and won’t pick up speed until you turn away. Those five minutes until the bell would ring—minutes signaling the end of the class period, the end of Mr. Chestnut’s teaching career, and the beginning of a class where learning would be a priority—moved like glaciers in Alaska The anticipation was getting to both of the plan maestros.

The movie came to an end, but Mr. Chestnut, belly out and snoring like an old, obese grandpa, did not wake up. And, other than his belly rising up-and-down, his body was still. Tony and Carter looked around the room, then at each other, back around the room, then at each other; the whole time contemplating there next move. Their contemplation was cut short when, out from under Mr. Chestnut’s desk came a low, continuous rumble similar to the sound of a run-down lawn mower starting. Tony, Carter—the entire class, erupted with laughter. It was a fart! A gigantic fart. If it was an earthquake, it would be a 9.5 on the Richter scale; if it was a tornado, it would be an F5. It was a massive fart. And the damage was much, much worse: The students in the front row had to evacuate to the back, immediately. One didn’t make it (she puked all over her white sneakers). A student near the middle row, whose name was Alex, puked at the sight of the other puke; which started a domino effect of students puking and gagging. The students who were unbothered by the puke, developed stomach pains from vicious giggle attacks.

Meanwhile, the noise from Mr. Chestnut’s class could be heard from the other end of the hall. Which, as it so happened, was the exact spot of Principal Green’s room. He took one step out of his office, stood with arms crossed, and listened to the noise for a good minute, in hopes it would cease. It didn’t. And, as the principal, he was forced to take action. So, he began walking like a disappointed parent toward the chaotic classroom; all the while, practicing his stern voice in preparation for some discipline.

“Excuse me!” Principal Green said, in the same voice all principals use. “What is the”—he began gagging and coughing; the children kept laughing—”meaning of this? And what is that smell?” He waited for answers, but all he received was a a snoring Mr. Chestnut, and a crowd of laughter, as if he were a comedian on stage. “Mr. Chestnut! Mr.–Chestnut!

“Huh, what? Ah, Principal Green, sir.” said Mr. Chestnut, as he wiped off his brownie-stained face and quickly buttoned up his shirt. “We were just..uhm—learning about the importance of honey to our food industry. Isn’t that right, class?”

“More like, learning about the effects bad hygiene has on the body!” said Jacks, the class clown who always sat in the back, and only spoke up when it seemed time for a joke.

“Well, this is about the worst situation I have ever seen as principal of this school! Mr. Chestnut; my office—now!” His voice vibrated the room.

“Dude, this is it!” said Tony to Carter.

“There’s no way he has a job after all this.” said Carter. And the two troublemakers, along with the rest of the class, ooed and awed as their teacher walked out of the room with Mr. Green by his side.

“Kids, you are dismissed. Get yourselves ready for your next period. And,” he paused to shake his head in disgust, “I am extremely, extremely sorry about this.” Mr. Green said, as he stared deep into Mr. Chestnut’s fluffy soul.

The event in class that day was all anyone could talk about during the weekend.

Questions were firing from everywhere, and by everyone: parents, wanting to know if Mr. Chestnut would be fired for such careless behavior; students, curious about what happened, and how it happened; and Tony and Carter, wondering if their plan would work out in the end. The answers to all those questions would be given in minutes, as Mr. Chestnut’s class, sat waiting outside the locked classroom door; with no teacher in sight, on this interesting Monday afternoon.

“Look!” Carter said, pointing down the hall at two figures whose faces were not yet clear.

“Man, that’s Principal Green—and he’s with a chick!” said Tony.

Principal Green and the mystery woman were soon standing in front of the intrigued students. “Boys…girls, this is Miss. Forest. She will be taking over for Mr. Chestnut until we find a solution to his behavior.” he paused to gauge the students: they all seemed excited. “Miss. Forest,” he continued, “they’re all yours.”

“Okay, everyone; let’s find your seats.” she said, as she unlocked the door to let them in. Her hands were shaky, and her voice seemed nervous. She was a young girl, early twenties, the class presumed. Her skin was pale and covered with freckles; and her hair was bright orange. She wore clothes that didn’t quite match her looks: white sweater with green polka dots, a green skirt, and black heels.

Tony and Carter couldn’t believe their eyes: not only did the plan work—but their new teacher looked young and cool! “This is awesome man!” said Tony.

“I know! And she’s kinda hot…right?” Carter was hoping Tony would agree.

“Uhm, yea!” said Tony. And they both smiled and gave each other their famous fist pump.

“Okay, so here’s like, the deal.” began Miss Forest. Her voice was soft and high-pitched. “I really don’t care to be here. I needed a job until I get money to start acting.”—Tony and Carter were stunned—”So like, let’s just get this over with as painless as possible, Okay?” The class nodded their heads in confused agreement. “So, any-way, Mr. Chestnut left me movies to get you kids through the year. We’ll start with this one, it’s called ‘How to Mend a Garden.’ Just watch it—and don’t bother me.” The new teacher played the movie, and began texting before the first scene even began.

“Man! Are you kidding me?” Tony whispered to his best friend. “This is insane.”

“Yea, talk about the ultimate backfire.” What do we do now? asked Carter. The boys shook their heads in disappointment. “Well,” continued Carter, “I guess it’s time to go back to the drawing board.”

“Yes, let’s do it!” said Tony. And the boys smiled, knowing this next plan would be a piece of cake.

14 thoughts on “Sloth: part 4 of 4.

      1. Lol yes. That might have been the toughest, weirdest year for me haha. I transitioned from a teeny Christian school to a large public school. Made for some interesting happenings haha.


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